Grant Horror Stories

Given that it is Halloween week, I thought I'd take the opportunity to regale you with a couple of horror stories from the grants world, along with a grant development moral... you're welcome! ;)

Dr. Warlock had been working on his National Bat and Spider Institute (NBSI) proposal for months. Along with his trusty grants administrator, they had crafted a research proposal that fit the program announcement like a glove. David, the school's grants administrator, had emailed Dr. Warlock asking him to have all of the final submissions materials to him two days before the proposal deadline. Dr. Warlock shrugged off David's suggestion. "Two days in advance," Dr. Warlock thought, "That's ridiculous!"

One week later, the day of the 5:00 deadline was upon them. Dr. Warlock sent David all of the final materials and headed over to David's office. As he turned the corner, he noticed that David was pale and looked like he'd seen a ghost. "What's wrong!?!" Dr. Warlock asked. "The system's d-d-doown!" sputtered David. "What!?! Let me have a look!" screeched Dr. Warlock, hastily shoving David away from his own computer. Warlock stared at the little hourglass that kept turning with no coveted receipt confirmation in sight.

It was David's turn to shove Dr. Warlock out of the way. "To Starbucks!" he shouted, ripping his laptop off its base. Once at Starbucks, Dr. Warlock glanced at his watch seeing there were mere minutes left till the deadline. David booted up, and hit the submit button in a flash. "It's working!" David said in a hushed tone. The two anxiously waited for the receipt confirmation, and finally it popped up on David's computer. As Dr. Warlock breathed a sigh of relief, his breath caught in his throat. There on the screen read, "Thank you for your submission to the NBSI, your proposal was received at 5:01."

Moral: Submit your proposal well in advance of the deadline.

Dr. Frankenstein was exhausted but feeling confident about her recently submitted CAREER award to the National Spells and Cauldrons Foundation (NSCF). This year was her year to receive this prestigious award from NSCF. As she was heading to her noon class, she ran into Naomi, her friendly research development colleague who had reviewed a draft of Dr. Frankenstein's grant proposal early on.

"It's submitted!" Frankenstein told Naomi. "Congratulations!" she beamed back. "Thanks, I feel so relieved!" "I'll bet," said Naomi. "Now, you remembered to title the proposal 'CAREER: Using Frog's Breath in Wart Removal,' right?" The color drained from Dr. Frankenstein's face, "Wait, what?" Naomi's face fell as well. "The NSCF requires that all CAREER proposals be titled starting with 'CAREER:'" Reading Dr. Frankenstein's face, Naomi offered, "Well, I'm sure we can change it! When's it due?"

"YESTERDAY!!!"

Moral: Follow the directions in the program guidelines.

Happy Halloween!!!